Day 23: A letter to someone, anyone.
Dear 18 Year Old Self:
You don’t know me, but I know you. I am you almost 2 decades into the future, and I am writing this letter to tell you that your life is going to turn out okay. But I have to warn you that things are not going to work out as you have planned it, and you must be okay with that. I’m telling you this because I want you to avoid the nervous breakdowns at the ages of 22 and 34. So, let me walk you through a few things.
Within the next 2 years you will be losing a couple of people that you hold on to as really dear friends. Let them go ad don’t cry over them. Trust me when I tell you that they really are up for no good, and will end up using you for all that they can. In about 18 months you will be blessed with the dream job where you will be making $30 an hour! I am not exaggerating this! But, these so called friends I’m talking about are going to want to use you for all the money they can get out of you. You should stack that money, but being the naïve and kind person you are you won’t. Don’t worry, you will recover from it eventually.
Speaking of friends, you know those new friends of yours that you are complaining are too old for you to be hanging around? Stop looking at their age, and start listening to their wisdom. They mean well for you and they care a lot about you. In fact, we ran into them a couple of years back and they acted like you never turned your back on them. They are still a support for you and a voice of reason when you need them to be. So, even when you write them off, don’t worry, they’ll still be around.
Now, let’s talk about matters of the heart. Within this next 2 years, in addition to ups and downs with friends, you are about to start embarking on the dating scene. You will meet and fall, almost simultaneously, for 2 men in different branches of the armed forces. My advice: Leave both of them alone. The one in Maryland is too old for you and a playboy, and the one in Missouri is a no good user. When the latter one proposes to you, you are going to be flattered, but thank God you decide to break it off. By the way, that $1500 you gave him in the form of a cell phone and the bills that resulted from it? Chop it up to a loss. Look at it as you buying a huge mistake out of your life.
Once you are done with those losers, you will meet a sweet neighborhood guy who is in college. Enjoy your time with him and get a real feel for how a relationship is supposed to go. You will feel like he is the one, but he is not. But not a bad choice. When you get nervous about the relationship moving forward you are going to run and basically disappear on him. Don’t worry, you’ll get a chance to apologize to him when you run into him in about 6 or 7 years. And don’t freak out about him inviting you to his upcoming wedding. He really did consider you a good friend.
When you are about 21 or 22, after you break up with the sweet guy, you will start to date a man who is about 11 years older than you. This 6 month long relationship will feel really comfortable, and you will feel more like he is a big brother to you. Some of his fatherly ways will get on your nerves, but this is because you are not ready for this type of relationship, and you 2 really aren’t a match. In another year, you will meet a guy from New York who asks so much like him, but it will work, and there’s a reason for that. If you believed in soul mates, you’re going to realize that he is the epitome of what a soul mate is.
And if you are wondering: You do move to New York, but you won’t stay. Over the years you will find yourself missing it more and more and will try to get back there often. Enjoy your visits, because you will go through a period of immense anger surrounding New York and the man there. I am not going to go into detail, as I don’t want to prejudice you in any way. Your anger will keep you away for a while; the good thing is it will help you to open your eyes to a lot of things you will have overlooked, but anger will also drive you to make stupid decisions. It will all level out, but only after you break off your engagement and realize that you accepted the proposal out of anger. That’s a long story for another letter, though.
I’ve waited until now to address your family, because this is very important. Love your family and realize that they truly love you and want the best for you. However, you also have to realize that you are quite different from them, and I need you to be okay with that. You will find yourself bumping heads with them a lot, and you will find yourself hiding things from them a lot. I wish I could tell you to just be yourself and realize that you really have to answer to God, and not your family. But you will learn this lesson on your own eventually. I do want to tell you to cherish your parents, even though they get on your nerves. You will almost lose your dad to cancer in about 6 years and he will never be the same. In fact, we are currently watching him deteriorate from dementia and other health issues. Speaking of dementia, you will lose your grandma Bea to this same disease. And that wheelchair your mom is in isn’t a temporary thing,
You are going to go through many periods of immense sadness and deep loneliness. Part of it is because of your caring heart. And part of it is because you will find out, in about 14 years that you suffer from anxiety and major depression. The medicine will help, but you have got to fight to keep your sanity. You can’t afford to lose it, especially since Jonah depends on you so… Who is Jonah? Oh, he is your son. Yup, you’re going to be a mom… and a wonderful one, too. And as soon as you and Mr. New York figure out how to be adults the 2 of you will make a great parenting duo.
There’s so much more I could tell you, but you will figure it out on your own. I must go now because our traveling bug has just bitten us again. Right now we’re planning on another trip to New York, and then South Carolina. And in just a few months it will be the Bahamas! That’s why we’re paying a trainer now, so that we can be beach body ready then. Keep your chin up, missy. You are going to turn out just fine.
With tender love,
35 year old you
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